Life is a mix tape – Love and Loss, One Song at a Time
The heart was made to be broken – Oscar Wilde
Years back I would have argued with Oscar Wilde and said this was a lie. I would most likely have said “the heart isn’t built to be broken, the heart is built to love and to feel love”
However, the rollercoaster my love life has been as, in fact, proved Oscar right. Let me share with you my favourite heartbreak story- trust me I have had so many unsuccessful attempts at love and happily ever after.
My elder sister had introduced me to a guy she described as “awesome.” I wasn’t so excited to meet him though, my focus was on her giving the guy my number and blackberry pin. I was further irritated by the fact that the “awesome” guy didn’t message me immediately after he sent me a BBM request.
He later reached out to me after a week and it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. Awesome isn’t enough to describe this man. My day started and ended with me talking to him. We prayed together, shared ideas together and we figured things together.
I was so in love that if I had stretched forth my hands I would have touched my happily ever after. We had sunk our feet deep into the relationship before realising that we were both genotype in-compatible. The night we found out was a nightmare. I felt my heart leap out of my chest to the floor and I watched it break into tiny shards. The tears won’t come immediately but six months after my eyes became an uncontrollable tap.
I felt hopeless, the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth and for a long time, I couldn’t breathe. He whispered to me “Babe it’s okay, we will be just fine, there are ways to go about things like that this. There are several medical procedures we can go through”
I was too astounded to speak, the tone of his voice sounded like he had expectations – he wanted me to believe him, trust him. Not wanting to hurt his feelings any further I began to nod my head continuously as he spoke. I began to believe him since he sounded like he knew what he what he was saying.
I decided it was “our” secret to keep and telling people – my sister included, wasn’t the right call to make in figuring things out. I carried on with my business only for him to say that he spoke with his siblings and they thought it will be financial and emotion efficient if we went our separate ways.
I felt the ground slip beneath my feet. I felt betrayed but I couldn’t figure out the root cause of my betrayal. Him telling his siblings or him believing all they had told him. What happened to him – “US” having it under taps? His promises of love to me? What happened to us figuring it out?
I thought that was a shocker, but nothing could have prepared me for the mighty blow that followed after. He wanted us to cut ties immediately because in his words he “didn’t know how to deal with the situation.” I couldn’t help but feel like a nuisance whenever I reached out to him.
My eyes poured out all my frustrations. I was dejected, betrayed, heartbroken and weak. I became lightweight because I wasn’t eating and I was constantly lost in thought. Eventually, I stopped reaching out.
Albeit not immediately, I decided to take charge of what was left of my broken heart, I picked up a box and I began to drop all that was left of him inside the box. It challenged me mentally but I knew it had to be done for the sake of my sanity.
I didn’t realise I had packed all that was left of him out of the closet my heart is until I saw him recently and it was almost as if I was staring at a total stranger.
Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. –
I had sung and listened to the song of love and loss now I’m listening to a mixtape on moving on.
What mix-tape are you listening to now?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I am Aderinwale Oluwayomi, a Freelance and creative writer, an Economist, a talkative and a playful bunny. I’ve been writing as far back as 2004 (back then all I wanted to be was a poet), I started writing professionally in 2017. Writing for me is more than an outlet; I see and I hear the words. Writing has become the second part of me and I’m only glad words and I found one another